In the words of the wise clergymen from the Princess Bride, “Mawage is wot bwings us togeder. Mawage, that dweam wifin a dweam…” Summed up so beautifully. Marriage is indeed about “wuv, tru wuv.”
Another great thing about marriage is the comfort level two people achieve after living together so long. You get to know your spouse inside and out. I have done most things in front of my husband, including shower, laugh till soda came out my nose, and cry. But there are still a few things I refuse to do in front of him.
It’s not because we lack intimacy. We are deeply connected–both emotionally and physically. I just believe certain things are meant to stay private when it comes to maintaining the female form. I believe marriage should have an element of mystery. Otherwise, things could get dull real quick. And, to be honest, my husband appreciates the fact that I don’t act like a frat boy.
Take burping, for instance. I know many women are in favor of burping in front of their love, while others aren’t. For me, this is a huge no-no. There’s no way I’d join my husband in a burping contest. Here are five more things I would never do in front of my spouse:
1. Go to the bathroom with the door open: Sorry ladies, no can do. I know some of you may disagree with me. Perhaps you think “spouses that pee together stay together.” Not me. After eighteen years of marriage, I can say that my guy has never accompanied me to the bathroom. In fact, I pretend it doesn’t even happen. Case closed.
2. Remove hair: I don’t shave, tweeze, or wax in front of my man. Ever. He is not privy to my hair removal routine. As long as my legs are silky smooth, he shouldn’t complain. Although knowing my guy, he’d probably insist on shaving my legs for me.
3. Trim toenails: I don’t know why this grosses me out. I don’t want to see my guy trimming his toenails, and to be fair, I will do the same for him. I get my pedicures done at a salon far from his looming eyes. That way, when I return home, my toes are bubblegum-a-licious.
4. Curse like a sailor: I have to confess, this remains a bit of a challenge for me. Not that I’m in the habit of cursing like a sailor. But, I have on occasion let a few choice expletives leave my mouth. My husband’s response, “that’s just a lazy way to speak.” He doesn’t find it attractive when women curse.
5. Break wind: Although I love the movie Dirty Dancing, in particular the song, “She’s Like the Wind,” I don’t want my husband starting a new version of that song called, “She Passes Wind.” In fact, I won’t even say the word “f_ _ t.” Maybe you can suggest some alternatives.
Do you do these things in front of your spouse? Have I left out any other no-no’s?