It’s no secret the male ego is fragile. To make matters worse their egos take a hit when we say things that drive them crazy. Maybe it’s time to cut men some slack. Let’s start by NEVER saying these three things to a guy again. Don’t worry ladies, we’ll get our day of reckoning. To be fair, this post will be followed by ten things you should never say to a woman. For now, it’s about the men. Feel free to add to the list:
1. “Do you think she’s pretty?” Of course he does! Stop asking. Men aren’t that critical when it comes to assessing beauty. Just because they appreciate the ENTIRE female species doesn’t mean your guy thinks any less of you. When an attractive woman walks by, let it slide and pretend you don’t even notice.
2. “Nothing’s wrong.” Men don’t believe us when we say NOTHING is wrong. Nine times out of ten the look on our face gives it away. Men are not mind readers. We need to tell them exactly what’s bothering us. Leaving it open to interpretation could be dangerous.
3. “My dad can fix that. You should call him.” Even if dear old dad is one of the most skilled plumbers and has the ultimate tool kit, don’t rub it in your man’s face. Indulge your guy and let him fix that leaky faucet. The added bonus is you get to watch your man sweat.
Photo Credit: modelinspiration.com
In an effort to stop driving my guy nuts, I’m going to hush about the things that annoy him. I’m also going to practice speaking to him in a different tone. A SWEETER tone. After a five minute conversation with the ‘new’ me, he’ll be convinced that the words dripping from my lips are like honey. An ideal way to ignite the fire, right? The only problem is I’m not THAT sentimental.
I am a cynical idealist at my core. Better translated as I’m lacking in the romance department. For me, less is typically MORE. This means I’m not in the habit of setting the mood for love. I’d rather dig my toes between the sand than sit in a restaurant dripping in red roses, candlelight, and cascading linens. But because I’m a firm believer in change and open to exploring new ideas, I am up for the challenge.
So, during the month of February I am dedicating my blog to all things LOVE. The only catch is that I need your help. I need some ideas on how to be romantic. Perhaps I can write a post on “The Best Love Songs or Most Romantic Movies of All Times.” Maybe that will inspire me. Whatever the topic, it has to be something I can relate to. Nothing like “Obsessive Office Crushes,” which is currently featured on the cover of Cosmo. I’ll save my commentary on glossy magazines and their ineffectiveness for another time.
Today, let’s think of ways to FAN THE FLAME shall we. Men, it could be as simple as not shaving your stubble. I love my man’s rugged facial hair. Ladies, for us, it could be changing out of our less than desirable yoga pants. The point is having KIDS should not get in the way of passion. Certainly there are ways to break up the monotony.
Do you keep the ROMANCE alive? Or, are you failing miserably?
Love this idea, Anka!! A whole month dedicated to connecting with our loved ones. I’m not necessarily failing but I’m sure not the poster child for romance! One thing I like to do is leave little love notes for my man. On his desk in our home office, on his car, even electronic “notes” via e-mail so he gets them at work. Less is more, right?!
Posted by whencrazymeetsexhaustion | January 31, 2013, 6:27 amGosh, I haven’t left a note for my man in ages. We text a lot but there’s something about a written note that’s so much more personal. I do make a fresh pot of coffee for him in the morning. Does that count for something?
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 8:35 amHeck yeah it counts! I don’t even get up with my husband in the morning, so you’re getting mad points in my book!!
Posted by whencrazymeetsexhaustion | January 31, 2013, 11:49 amOkay, I’m starting to feel a little bit better about myself!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 12:23 pmYes, that all sounds right… And I’m a man… behind the mask.
FM
Posted by Frivolous Monsters | January 31, 2013, 6:29 amGlad to hear that you endorse this message MAN behind the mask.
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 8:11 amI’ll keep these in mind for when and if I find a man. Haha
Posted by rynnasaryonnah | January 31, 2013, 6:44 amDefinitely file these notes away for future reference. I’m still learning and have been married for quite some time. Even so, I’m always looking for ways to keep things FRESH!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 8:13 amThat’s a really good idea. That way you don’t get too comfortable and start living in a rut. My cousin does that too. And she says she still feels newly married. She still gets butterflies in her stomach when her husband introduces her as “my wife.” I think that’s so cute!
Posted by rynnasaryonnah | January 31, 2013, 9:20 pmcute post and great advice!
Posted by coastalmom | January 31, 2013, 6:49 amThanks, Diane. And please, if you have any post ideas on keeping the ROMANCE alive, let me know!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 8:14 amOk, those three deserve their place but don’t forget “My birthday? Oh just get me anything…”
Posted by Danny Breslin | January 31, 2013, 6:59 amHow could I forget the Birthday GUILT trip? That’s a HUGE no no!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 8:09 amfun- well written and thought- provoking
Posted by melanie jean juneau | January 31, 2013, 7:30 amThanks, Melanie! I figure there’s no time like the present to think on all things LOVE. Valentine’s DAY is around the corner.
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 8:10 amMy partner says to me, “Can we ask your dad to fix this?” so that’s off my list… I find the little stuff like, “You look good,” “I love you,” or “Thank you for doing that crappy thing I know you hate to do but you did it anyway” are things I don’t say enough and have to remind myself to do… because that’s what I love to hear from him, right?
Posted by nothingbythebook | January 31, 2013, 8:01 amGuilty as charged! I don’t say “I love you or you look good” much either. I think it in my head and know it in my heart but it doesn’t always translate. Let’s hold each other accountable shall we? We can both try to be more expressive with our men!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 8:21 amWe could do a Valetine’s Day Countdown type thing for February–14 things in 14 days to sex up your marriage.
Posted by nothingbythebook | January 31, 2013, 12:14 pmI think that’s a GREAT idea especially since tomorrow is February 1st. I only post twice a week. Project Optimism posts are scheduled for Mondays, but I could dedicate the next few Thursdays to sexing up your marriage. Let the countdown begin!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 12:18 pmWhen a man asks his wife, “What’s wrong?” and she screams “Nothing!” the best thing for him to do is to slowly back out of the room and then flee the residence. “Nothing” always means he screwed up big-time and needs to go contemplate his transgressions (real or imagined).
Posted by All Seasons Cyclist | January 31, 2013, 8:38 amFleeing the residence is the BEST piece of advice I’ve heard. A man’s efforts will certainly be in vain if he tries to figure out what “Nothing” means. Every lady needs a cooling down period!
Posted by Anka | February 2, 2013, 8:45 amD’oh!!!! We’re shot down! Crash and burn! Don’t stop with three!
Posted by Mustang.Koji | January 31, 2013, 8:58 amYou’re right! I shouldn’t have stopped at three. You boys deserve at least seven more free passes!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 7:52 pmHaha… Boys… Boys will be boys.
Posted by Mustang.Koji | February 1, 2013, 8:21 amGreat advice and so true! Looking forward to reading the “10 Things” post about women!
Posted by Cancer in My Thirties | January 31, 2013, 9:25 amThe hard part won’t be coming up with “10 Things” to never say to a woman. It will be knowing when to stop. Clearly, there are MORE than ten ways to cause a woman to shut down. On a side note, it’s good to hear from you. Hope you and your little men are doing well!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 7:56 pmAnka, I’m failing miserably in the romance department, keeping it alive department. It seems our schedules and fatigue are the main problems. Probably scheduled dates help, with a babysitter lined up. As far as topics…hmm…maybe sharing in your partner’s interests is a good way to stay in touch with each other. Or, experiencing something completely new together would be helpful. I look forward to reading your future posts on the topic!
Posted by The Bumble Files | January 31, 2013, 9:57 amMaybe it’s the fact that you and I both LOVE blogging way too much, Amy! Maybe that’s the real reason we don’t have time for romance. But, I like your idea of trying something completely NEW with your partner. My husband and I are usually creatures of habit . . . sushi, movies, or wine bars. We’ll figure it out someday, right?
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 12:48 pmOh, Anka…you speak the truth. Too much time on the blog. Less blogging equals more time for romance. I had another thought about your list…I would add dirty talk. I’ll see what you think of that one, Anka!
P.S. I like your activities a lot. All stuff I like! Can’t wrong there, Anka.
Posted by The Bumble Files | January 31, 2013, 3:45 pmDefinitely not opposed to it. I usually need liquid courage before any of that ensues. I’m still quite SHY even after all these years.
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 3:53 pmBe affectionate. Even if it’s not 100% in your nature. I’m not saying be a clingy mc cling pants – it’s all according to what your hubby likes, and let’s face it, you know him probably better than anyone.
My best advice as a fellow Mommy is, every free chance you get (when the munchkins are asleep, when there at gram-grams, etc. )you get the picture squeezein some couple time.
Posted by DaydreamsinWonderland | January 31, 2013, 10:05 amGreat advice! Try to be affectionate even if it’s not in my nature. I think greeting your man with a kiss within the first five minutes of him walking through the door changes the entire complexion of your mood. It’s a lot better than handing over a toddler to your guy and saying, “hurry take him . . . I’m exhausted!”
Posted by Anka | February 2, 2013, 9:01 amExactly.
Posted by DaydreamsinWonderland | February 2, 2013, 9:46 amGreat post Anka! I must say I’ve been slacking in the romance dept. lately. I’ve been sick and pregnant and sick etc. I know I’m not the most attractive right now. However I do like the idea of making my words a bit sweeter to my hubby. I think for us romance is me asking him questions about his hunting shows and sporting games that I already know the answer to; but allowing him to give these thorough explanations and being impressed by his answers.
I also try to let him know how much we need him here. I think that’s a big problem in society, women are becoming more independent and the male role may seem obsolete. I can certainly be independent but there’s nothing wrong with choosing not to be at times. Of course every household is set up differently!
Posted by reaching4hishem | January 31, 2013, 10:06 amI think you touched on something so critical when it comes to the opposite sex. And that is, every man wants to be a HERO to his family. If we’re constantly undermining our men, then we are, in effect, clipping his wings. I believe thriving marriages are the ones, in which case, both partners build each another up and inspire them to be the best they can be. Thank you for sharing. Hope you are feeling okay and your pregnancy is coming along fine!
Posted by Anka | February 2, 2013, 9:11 amWise wise words on a subject close to my heart. (pun partially intended.)
Posted by wedelmom | January 31, 2013, 11:35 amLove me a good pun. And yes, after reading about your current moving situation, I understand why this subject pulls on your heart strings. Just think how exciting life will be once you settle into your new home. You have lots to look forward too!
Posted by Anka | February 2, 2013, 9:04 amYou’re so right…Especially love the one about calling my dad…:)
Posted by Mitzie Mee | January 31, 2013, 11:48 amDaddy and his little girl kind of unavoidable, huh? But just think how your man will feel if you let him take charge. He just might think he wears a cape and an “S” on his chest!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 8:02 pmOh boy!! I can’t wait to see what you come up with!! And by the way…I can’t believe you’ve ever asked your husband “Do you think she’s pretty?” With as gorgeous as you are, you have nothing to worry about!!
Posted by motherhoodisanart | January 31, 2013, 12:17 pmHey, I was just on your blog at the same time you were leaving this comment. I stopped reading so I could reply to you. As for coming up with ways to spice things up, I could use some help. I’m a pragmatist at my core so if you have any creative ideas leading up to Valentine’s DAY, please share them with me!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 12:20 pmI was waiting to be enlightened by YOU!!! I suck in that department! For example….I bought my husband socks and underwear for Christmas….he bought me a necklace and some books about blogging! You certainly don’t want help from me!!! haha!!
Posted by motherhoodisanart | January 31, 2013, 12:24 pmHa! I’m laughing so HARD right now, Melissa! I bought my hubby socks and underwear for gifts too. He bought me a ski jacket and we’re on the West Coast. You and I are living parallel lives in more ways than one! Needless to say, we could BOTH use help in the romance department!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 12:26 pmAre we supposed to come up with ideas that men will think are romantic or women? Two completely different animals…
Posted by Gardengirl | January 31, 2013, 1:00 pmGood question. How about we start with ways women can inspire more romance. I know we could easily spend hours and days discussing how men need to kick it up a notch, but we should probably ease up on the men!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 1:03 pmI am so guilty of saying “Nothing’s wrong.” It is so easy to take out frustration on the people we love the most – for me my husband! In the daily grind and hard work of parenting, it’s hard to remember to be husband and wife too. Being romantic and going out on dates takes time and effort. I think the first step is just breaking out of routine and trying to show your love in little ways – hidden notes, email, texts, saving a candlelit dinner at home after the kids are in bed, etc.
Posted by go Mama O | January 31, 2013, 1:37 pmBreaking out of the routine is key. Like you said, there may not always be time for a date, but we can certainly find ways to show appreciation for our spouse. I haven’t tried the hidden note idea in a while. Mostly, we just have a glass of wine in the backyard around the fire pit. Those are the moments I treasure most!
Posted by Anka | February 2, 2013, 8:57 amawh – I love sitting outside once the kids go to sleep and having a drink with my hubby. With FREEZING weather right now, I am longing for a nice summer day!
Posted by go Mama O | February 3, 2013, 2:11 pmHusband asks me every day to marry him. Every day I say yes.
Romance. Simple. Sweet. And honest. That’s about all I’ve got Anka! 
Posted by Chatter Master | January 31, 2013, 3:57 pmAw, Colleen! That is the SWEETEST thing I’ve heard all day. I knew I could count on you for some sage advice. Lovely, just lovely!
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 3:58 pm
Posted by Chatter Master | January 31, 2013, 4:02 pmNo, it’s not redundant. In fact, anyone that knows my husband says he’s “in love with love” too. My guy is the poster boy for romance. It’s me who needs help.
Posted by Anka | January 31, 2013, 4:05 pmAsk him something or tell him something sweet every day. I will assume he asked you to marry him. So tell him every day that you would marry him THIS day as well.
You are pretty creative, you will come up with something wonderful. 
Posted by Chatter Master | January 31, 2013, 4:15 pm‘Big offender with number 1. I’ll try to take your advice! This’ll be a fun series!
Posted by Charron's Chatter | January 31, 2013, 8:59 pmIt’s tempting to ask your man if he thinks so _ and so_ is pretty. But, the reality is there are beautiful men and women everywhere you turn. They are a dime a dozen. Instead think of ALL the reasons he set you apart from everyone else in the world!
Posted by Anka | February 1, 2013, 11:01 amI think you should write a post as a “love story” to your children. I loved it when my mom would tell me her’s and my dad’s love story. What a great gift to your children, your man, and a great way to remind you of all the little things that inspired romance in you back then!
Posted by littlemisswordy | February 1, 2013, 9:03 amI think you just gave me an idea for a Valentine’s DAY post. I remember reading that post about your mom and dad’s love story and it was so touching. Thank you for the great reminder! Have a lovely weekend!
Posted by Anka | February 1, 2013, 10:51 amI’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day…it reminds me too much of Alice’s unbirthdays…so for something different, why not delay the gratification and do your own celebration on the weekend, the 19th, or something like that, and see what happens?
Posted by Lawrence Grodecki | February 1, 2013, 9:53 amI couldn’t agree with you more. I’m not a fan of all the hype that surrounds this holiday either. Definitely going to put off celebrating till the weekend. It takes the pressure off of creating the PERFECT date!
Posted by Anka | February 1, 2013, 10:54 amAnka,
I totally understand what you are saying. Being married for 13 years and two kids can take a toll of “romance”. Keep in mind romance is not only the red roses, and candlelight dinners. It could also be wink across the room, a seductive phone call giving a clue of what’s to come after kids go to bed. it could be cooking his favorite dinner, or surprising him at the office for lunch. Oh and for sure man appreciate sexy pjs
Let’s do this friend, we can do this.
xoxo
Posted by Cynthia Matos-Medina | February 1, 2013, 10:30 amHi Cynthia,
I agree that red roses and candlelight dinners don’t always translate into the most romantic gestures. In fact, I believe that spontaneity is a far great payout. Like you said, it could be simple as surprising him at the office for lunch. Of course, knowing my man, he’d probably appreciate the sexy pj’s more!
It’s so good to hear from you! Hope you and the fam are doing well. Have a restful weekend my friend!
Posted by Anka | February 1, 2013, 11:07 ama few years back I told my hubs that on valentines day, for valentines day, we should think up and express some of the things we love about each other. it was very sweet and we learned a lot!
Posted by Barbara @ Just Another Manic Mommy | February 1, 2013, 11:46 amThis is a beautiful gesture, Barbara. I love the idea of expressing love without spending a single cent. A good conversation with your man is one of the most intimate ways to connect.
Posted by Anka | February 2, 2013, 8:47 amhow can i not love the love?
Posted by icescreammama | February 1, 2013, 11:47 amSimple, sweet, and always gratifying. Ice cream, I mean LOVE is very fulfilling!
Posted by Anka | February 2, 2013, 8:48 amAnka, you know what I found to be helpful? especially if you are not “sentimental”. Hallmark ( I got mine at CVS), sells those cutesy hardbound books and all you have to do is fill in the blanks and you get an instant card slash journal slash book about him. I got one for him “What I love about you”, and I printed pictures of him and post it on appropriate page/s and it was like a scrapbook. And he reads it every night before he goes to bed:) It’s a book for all season type. No occasion is needed, just a cute and simple declaration of your appreciation. It’s all about him
Posted by Prodigal Daughter | February 2, 2013, 1:05 pmWhat a great idea! I love the fact that you could insert printed pictures and make the card look like a scrapbook. Without having to do all the work too. Thank you for the simple yet meaningful suggestion. Also, I’m glad you stopped by. Have a lovely day!
Posted by Anka | February 3, 2013, 8:48 amAnytime. You’d be surprised at how giddy guys become . They won’t admit it and try their best to not show it, but you will know. It’s a good reminder of how awesome they are. We don’t say much to show appreciation, so when they hear it or read about it..it’s a game changer
proven.
Posted by Prodigal Daughter | February 4, 2013, 11:49 amyour writing is interesting!
xxx
http://www.tipamour.wordpress.com
Posted by Tippy Hung | February 3, 2013, 11:36 amThank you, Tippy! I’m glad you find my writing interesting. It’s a pleasure knowing that you took the time to read my posts.
Posted by Anka | February 4, 2013, 9:50 amOf course (: It was interesting. I look forward to more interesting articles from you!
tippy
Posted by Tippy Hung | February 4, 2013, 9:52 amI like to send my husband text during the day…sometimes ‘naughty’ ones or sometimes just different sweet emoticons. Then he sends them back and we have something to smile about until we are home with each other.
Posted by Kerry's Organized Chaos | February 3, 2013, 5:06 pmKerry, I like your style! My husband would be totally satisfied with ‘naughty’ text messages. Maybe that’s my problem. I only text him to pick up stuff at the grocery store, like milk and cheese.
Posted by Anka | February 5, 2013, 8:08 amSorry my good friend, I was not here for long. but now I’m satisfaction of all – your posts are great – I like your post and with great pleasure that I read!
Posted by Maxima | February 4, 2013, 12:32 pmGood to hear from you too. Hope all is well in your part of the world. Have a wonderful day friend!
Posted by Anka | February 5, 2013, 8:09 amHmm – romance with the menfolk, huh? What a challenge? We women do tend to expect them to provide the romance, while we sit back and lap it up. Especially around V day this month. Although I am ahead in this one – it’s our 1st wedding anniversary at the end of the month so I am sorting out a trip.
Im not sure I could be romantic every day for a month though – like you I am a bit less keen on over the top flowers, chocolates etc. It’s nice to get flowers and chocolates, don’t get me wrong. But not in a contrived, romantic gesture where we feel a bit like we have to do it because it is V day. Spontaneity is the key!
So – think of something spontaneous you can do. That’s my recommendation.
Posted by Piper George | February 5, 2013, 2:26 pmGood for you, Piper! That’s a way to take initiative. And congratulations on your 1st wedding anniversary. Would you believe my husband and I will be celebrating 19 years this coming October. Yikes! I feel so old. In any case, I couldn’t agree with you more about spontaneity. The best memories are the ones that don’t require hours and hours of planning!
Posted by Anka | February 5, 2013, 6:05 pm