Seven years and counting and I have yet to win “MOM OF THE YEAR” award. I work overtime trying to earn this nod but I am inevitably reduced to epic failure. It doesn’t help my cause when there are people who make me look worse in my children’s eyes:
1. Parents who pack their children leftover chocolate cream pie for lunch. My poor kids don’t even get fruit snacks in their lunch. You can imagine the terror I felt when my daughter asked me to pack her homemade pie. I don’t bake. And, if I did, I certainly wouldn’t be inclined to wear an apron with heels to do so.
2. The creators of Disney’s hit show Jessie. This show is about four kids, one nanny, and a butler. I don’t want my daughter to think that having a butler is the norm. If I told her that mommy is a butler of sorts she’d never accept this as truth. Plus, the theme song is enough to drive anyone crazy.
3. Parents who buy their first graders an Ipod Touch. Are you serious? Since when does a six year old need an advanced electronic device. Um, never.
4. The mother who bought my daughter a gift card to Justice. She’s hooked thank you very much. I was trying to avoid shopping at this store as long as possible. I just can’t get myself to endorse second graders wearing lace and low-cut tops.
5. The twenty first century Tooth Fairy. When I was growing up, the Tooth Fairy left me a quarter only if she remembered. Nowadays, kids are getting DVD’s, barbie dolls, and even $20.00 cash. You’re really cramping my style lady.
6. The ice cream truck at the park before dinner. This guy couldn’t have worse timing. He shows up, without fail, five minutes before we’re about to pack it up and head home for dinner. That, and I always leave my wallet in the car.
7. Soccer moms who color coordinate ALL the parents on game day. I give myself a pat on the back when I remember to pack my daughter’s water bottle and orange slices. There’s no way I’d have time to send an email reminder about wearing team colors.
8. Teachers who tell my kids “Great Job” after every little thing they do. Look, I’m all about motivating our youth. What I don’t believe in is a sense of entitlement. I believe my kids need to work HARD to earn things in life. The reality is that no one gets a medal for finishing in fourteenth place.
9. My pediatrician. She gives me the ‘LOOK’ and I already know I’m in trouble. Yep, I agree. My son should be sleeping in his own bed by age three.
10. The well meaning family member who gives my children gummy bears first thing in the morning. I know you think my children are deprived. But if you wanted to upstage me, couldn’t you have brought donuts instead? Gummy bears stick to their teeth.
Who makes parenting HARDER for you?