Lone Ranger

**WARNING: You’re about to enter the melancholy zone**

This is not the usual tone of my posts, and you probably won’t catch me writing another one of these. But I have to provide you with a context of where I came from before I landed here.

Not too long ago, I was very lonely. My house was full but I felt alone. The entrance point to these feelings of isolation began at the birth of my first child. For seven plus years I lived in a closed universe. I refused to let anyone in. I was a master at being stoic and seemingly put together.

The truth is I was falling to pieces on the inside.

I was afraid of letting my guard down, afraid of being known. But this mommy thing was becoming increasingly difficult. I realized that I needed to stop living like a hermit and start building community. We need all sorts of women in our lives. The ones who have gone before us, the ones who will go after us, and finally, women who are in the same season as us.

Motherhood is not a unique condition.

We have all felt overwhelmed, exhausted, unappreciated, confused, conflicted, sad, insecure, and, overjoyed at some point in our journey. For this reason, I have decided to tear down the curtain of false pretenses and just let it all hang out. I no longer pretend to have it all together. I am a self-declared walking mess and have no problem admitting it.

For my own mommy health and happiness, I have decided to stop being a lone ranger.

Leave a comment

9 Comments

  1. Your honest and candor are refreshing. Good luck as you ditch the Lone Ranger and search for community.

    Reply
  2. Thank you. I am looking forward to this new season in my life.

    Reply
  3. Nice post, though you don’t need to apologise for it. It left me thinking….this is someone who is working things out and striving towards happiness. Alot of people don’t even realise that that is what they need.

    Reply
  4. Sounds familiar…Thanks for phrasing it beautifully. We are not alone – we’re just doing the best we can!

    Reply
  5. You’re right, we are not alone we are all in progress. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  6. Dear Lone Ranger, I would like to re-dub you Unique Ranger. Your keep n’ it real style is writing inspiration, as well as life inspiration. Imagine a world where we were all striving for our authentic voice; our truth–whether we thought it sounded good to anyone else or not. I think that so much of our loneliness comes from the stress it takes to keep up what we think is a good and worthy appearance. Humor, which you have in spades, comes in the folds of truths that are sometimes less than attractive. The authentic voice gives permission and offers solace to others who want to drop appearances and keep it real as well. Stand tall in the light of your truth Unique Ranger. I love reading your posts!

    Reply
  7. I love this post! I’m sorry that you’ve felt that pressure. I think most of us have been there but only the bravest will admit it. I met one of my best friends years ago when we were in the school parking lot, her daughter was having a complete meltdown and I heard her say through clenched teeth “Please don’t make me look like I don’t know what I’m doing!” I loved her instantly and we’ve been great friends ever since! You could totally hang out with us! : )

    Reply
    • Sign me up! Sounds like we’re kindred spirits. Though I’ve never said, “please don’t make me look like I don’t know what I’m doing,” I have said plenty of other things. One of my favorite go-to lines is, “I’m too tired to pretend to have it together.” I tried doing the perfect mommy thing and it lasted all of 3 months. Just darn exhausting! Now, I openly admit that I am a flawed human being. It works for me, but then again I find transparency VERY endearing. Perhaps that’s why I am so drawn to you and your style of writing. Super refreshing and candid! :)

      Reply

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